I have not blogged the entire semester.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but school.  That might seem a little crazy.  How long does it take to blog?  Well the real question is “How long does it take to graduate from college?”  For me the answer is 33 years.  NO that’s not a typo.  If you’ve read this blog before then you may know a little of my struggle.  I’m a non-traditional student.  I’m a non-traditional-dorm-dwelling student.  Tomorrow, I will finally finish a journey that got derailed 33 years ago.  When I was a fresh freshman at North Carolina Central University, I was raped by an acquaintance.  He was a foot ballplayer who was in one of my classes.  I flunked out of school after that, because I never left my room. Back then there was no such thing as date rape so I didn’t even start to talk about it until I was over 30 years old.  That experience sent me on a spiral that took me to the darkest pit of depression.  I was never the same after that and I blamed myself.  In the time that followed, I joined the army, married, had kids.  I even sought therapy.  I got on with my life.  In the back of my mind I kept believing that one day I would go back to school.  Even during the times when it seemed an impossibility I still believed that I would go back to school.  In 2004, I separated from my then husband of 17 years.  In 2005  after the divorce was final I started going back to school.  I had two kids still in high school so I still had to work to support them.  Amid the voices around me telling me that i should wait to go back to school, that I had to worry about taking care of my children I started out taking just 2 classes a semester. I started out taking two classes because I believed that maybe they were right.  Maybe this would be too much for me.  I wasn’t good at math, it had been so many years, maybe I wasn’t as smart as I thought.  I did it anyway.  Then I took my first Psychology class, and I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I still struggled with math and had to take Algebra 3 times before I passed.  Tomorrow, December 13, 2014 I will graduate from  the University of North Carolina Wilmington with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Minor in Creative Writing.  My parents, children, grandchildren and friends will be there to support me.  On this journey I lost everything I own…twice.  I lost my job, my place to live, and even my pride.  There were a couple of things that I didn’t lose, as a matter of fact they were strengthened.  I didn’t lose my faith, my mind or my belief in myself.  I’m writing this today because maybe somebody will read it who has been through similar  situations.  Maybe there’s somebody who is just about to give up on themselves.  I’m writing this to tell you to never give up.  You’re going to have ups and downs in life, that’s just a part of living.  Find a way to be content regardless of your circumstance.  Don’t let what’s going on around you steal your joy.  Some people will tell you , if you don’t like your circumstances change them.  As with me that is not always a quick journey.  If your process of changing your circumstances is long and arduous, NEVER GIVE UP.  I’m not superhuman, I’m not any different than anybody else in anyway but one.  I trust GOD in a radical and almost ridiculous way.  When I believe that He is directing me toward something (like this college degree) I won’t turn back no matter how hard the road seems.  I believe that His word is true and that He will supply all of my need.  I haven’t had everything I’ve wanted on this journey, but I’ve had everything I needed.  The Last thing I’ll say is this, a dream deferred is not a dream denied.  Love yourself enough to block all the voices that are contrary to what your inner voice is telling you.  If I can do it all these years later, so can you.  I don’t feel like this is the end of a long and hard fought journey.  This is only the beginning.


~ by Diva2de on December 12, 2014.

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