In 1998, my son was 10 years old and he really liked this crazy barking and growling rapper, DMX.  Because I was(am) one of those parents that was all up in my kinds business and wanted to know and hear the music that was influencing them I began to listen to this guy who had one track that I liked (Ruff Ryders Anthem).  So we started listening to it together (edited version of course).  In the lyrics of his music I found something that was different from anything else that I’d heard in rap music since way back in the day when it first started.  Truth.  Now bear in mind that the kind of truth that I was looking for as a 35 year old wife and  mother was different from what my 10-year-old son was looking for.  At the time I felt that i was trapped in an unsatisfying life that was forcing me to be something I was not.  I had all this artistry inside my head I wanted to write and perform and sing and act but I had no outlet for it.  And then here comes this growling, barking rapper and he read my mail, with Let Me Fly.  Either let me fly, or give me death.  Let my soul rest, take my breath If I don’t fly I’m a die anyway…These words found me exactly where I was. So I began to listen to more of his lyrics.  In his lyrics the truth I found was the truth of struggle and suffering.  The struggle to fly when the world wants to hold you down.  The suffering that comes from loving and not being loved in a way that you can understand.  His experiences may have been different, but the emotion that they elicited in his life were perfectly understandable to me.  And then I heard the Prayer… I could hear in the lyrics of the prayer the struggle of a calling that is bigger than the individual.  The fear of losing yourself to that calling, the feeling of unworthiness.  All throughout this CD, It’s Dark and Hell is Hot, there was the dichotomy of a person who has been left out and called out wanting to fit in even thought they know they never will and the anger and confusion that comes with that.  WOW!  I became a huge fan.   They say that money doesn’t change you, it just makes you more of who you really are.   Over the years, the life of Earl Simmons became too much for DMX.  His behavior outside of the studio made it almost impossible for him to continue making his music.  He spiraled out of control, alienated his family and landed in jail.  Disappointed, I put DMX on my prayer list and went about the business of living.  I never stopped being a fan, though.  Then last night, on OWNTV I saw DMX on the show Iyanla, fix my life.  I was in tears at the ravages of drug use on his mind.    He revealed his pain over being sent to a group home at the age of seven.  His feelings of rejection and inadequacy have plagued him since that time.  From what I could tell he uses drugs that affect the dopaminergic pathway, the pleasure pathway.  He wants to feel good and be loved.  Who doesn’t?  I watched him on that show deny his son Xavier a relationship with him because he wasn’t willing to get clean.  Iyanla urged viewers to take to Twitter and show their support for him by  using #SupportDMX.  This doesn’t mean that his actions are supported, but that we pray and hope that he not only get clean from his addiction, but that he will be healed from his pain and then be able to heal relationships with his loved ones.  Having been such a fan I was very distraught over what has become of DMX.  However, it’s difficult to believe that a person who could write these words could be beyond redemption.

Lord why is it that, that I go through so much pain
All I saw was black and all I felt was rain
I come to you because it’s you that knows
To show me that everything is black
Because me eyes were closed…

So if it takes for me to suffer for me brother to see the light
Give me pain till I die but please lord treat him right

God speed Earl.  I’m praying for you.


~ by Diva2de on April 14, 2013.

24 Responses to “#SupportDMX”

  1. I saw DMX on Iyanla fix my life it was a horrid Hott mess. His son Xavier was trying to reach out to him and to work on Rebuilding or even starting a relationship with his father. However, it was clear to me that DMX was high or under the influence of some type of drug. He son said something profound “if you are Toxic you cannot build a relationship with me!” I agree 100% until DMX can get clear that he needs to Detox, get clean, and do the work to Love and heal himself. He can not and will not be able to be fully present in Loving his Sons or anyone else including himself!! I am praying for DMX and it is up to him to make that change!!

  2. As a Clinical Psychologist for over 25 years, it is of my professional opimion that Iyanla did a “Horrible” Job in facilitating those sessions with DMX. He was trying to express his feelings and arrive at some resolution about the conflicts he is actually living out himself..It is HIS life..And he pain and remorse is GENUINE…She approached that entire session completely inappropriate.. The best part of the multi-layered session was when Iyanla kept her mouth sut and all this man to talk to his son…DMX is seeking forgiveness and redemption…He should atleast be afforded the opportunity. Iylanla planted certain seeds that proved to have been counter-productive..I was appauld as to her approach. My unsolicited advise to DMX is to acknowledge pass failure and move forward not looking back. Your past failures do not dictate your FUTURE SUCCESS… You can’t die yesterday, The next second is not promised to you, LIFE IS….So Live DMX because as you said “LOVE IS UNCODITIONAL”

  3. I watched DMX on Iyanla fix my life, and it broke my heart to watch a son reach out to his father that he LOVES. I pray to GOD that DMX can come to grips with himself and what he is LOSING, LOVE and RESPECT for his son and himself. DMX you have too much Talent to throw your life away. As a father I speak to you the opposite way because my son is in trouble trying to get his life sraight we only get so many chances and then it all ends. I hope and pray DMX things work out for the best.


    Xavier hang in there, I would be Proud to have you for a son.

  4. X,That woman is an Idiot!!!! I applaud you for your courage and your strength to want to visit your pain. tell your story and tell it over and over again until you’re free from it, because that can cleanse you. There are people who go through worst things than you do and are not as fortunate. X, find out what your mother and father went through when they were coming up. Everyone goes through something to cause them to be the way they are, things are passed on through generations and until that pattern is broken, it will continue. You were right about your son and it’s unbelievable that she can talk to your son with some valid sense and turn around and be so clueless on how to relate to you. She told your son not to judge you on your condition and turn around when you get together and allow your son to give you conditions about having a relationship with you… Love is unconditional and you could have helped each other. I know you love him and would never do anything purposely to hurt him. YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! And you are correct, people are people, and can only do the best they can, remember, nobody ask to be here, and you have to play the hand you’ve been dealt and make the best of it… Nobody is perfect… As for the drugs… that’s her feelings that gives you a clear connection with God. I feel if you get to the bottom of your pain and understand it, with your intelligence, you will be just fine… God bless and good luck.. Jerome Jackson

    • i don’t agree with you Jerome, Iv’e been a recovered addict for 5 years now and I know what it is like to live in the fog of drugs and alcohol. There is a reason that a person decides to continue to poison themselves and it’s usually because they are not ready to deal with their pain, but only capable of numbing it with distracting mind altering substances..depressants and uppers..what have you. If that’s all he has to do is give up something so inconsequential as alcohol and drugs to have a relationship with his son, shouldn’t that be kind of a no brainer? Are the drugs and alcohol really a valid part of his identity and something worth holding on to so vehemently at risk of loosing one of the most important relationships in his life? I think it would be a small sacrifice. In my personal experience when a person is clean, it’s a slow progression but i have seen it in myself and countless others, we come back to life. Our heart becomes open, and we are willing to try something we have never tried before, and so we reap different results. I have never been so open, vulnerable, and real before.. I thank God for it every day, for the things I see now that my eyes were blind to before. Having said that, pain saves lives…and some of us have a high pain tollerence, I pray that Earl comes to know joy instead of pain. Before that happens he has to want to do something different than he has always done. He wouldn’t have reached out to Iyanla unless he knew he needed help, somewhere inside of him he knows he need healing or he wouldn’t have put himself in her path.

  5. I could not have said it any better. The same connection to this human being I ft by listening to his truth was profound and I too became an everlasting fan. Believe me, if I could let him know how poignant and significant he has been and is still today, I’d be honored. I am happy to have been privileged to have heard him when he was able to communicate and emote about his demons. Sadly, music wasn’t enough therapy to escape what he carries with him everyday.

  6. DMX: your heart does not lie, and neither does God. Drugs, however, are evil, and will fool you every minute of every day – with your permission. Peace2U

  7. You will make it just keep your head up and look forward to God. I have so much faith in you DMX you are and still will be my favorite rapper …..

  8. DMX,
    Don’t give up. Don’t stop praying and believing that GOD will heal and make all well with you. GOD loves you. I pray that GOD’s mercy and grace be continually poured upon you and that he gibes you peace.

  9. Praying for you! Don’t give you! I love u

  10. you can do it dmx I have seen people be at their lowest
    and strive to the top you can do it

  11. Get better. Get help. Praying

  12. DMX: God tells us where 2 or more are gathered together in His name it shall be done I hope that you see from these messages this is happening from me my prayer for you is that you allow God to touch your body,mind and heart and accept everything that He has waiting for you and that would be the life you want with your son as well as yourself go in Gods good Grace and Love you will remain in my prayers

  13. I sit here tonight 4 months clean of drugs. I testify to you that it is possible to get clean, but you have to face the reality of your problems and SET THEM FREE. Fight every trigger on a minute by minute basis. If you believe you will always have a problem you speak it into exsistance, Stop speaking it into exsistance. What WE SPEAK HAPPENS. We are ENERGY, the Law of Attraction. You are Special, You are still her Baby, (Grandmother). She watches you, and she still hurts. My Grandmother Raised me, my mother left me, and my father was in prision for selling 13 kilos of cocaine. That FUCKED me up. But I realized God blessed me and made me a Parent for a reason, TO LOVE MY BABY. My Grandma passed on 7 months ago. She too would look at me with saddness in her eyes as she saw me High all the time. I got high to Numb myself from my problems, always thinking about everything that had gone wrong in my life verses what has gone right in my life. I have a daughter she is 12 and she too use to ask me to stop smoking Weed and I use to react the same way you acted towards your son, although I HAD my habit, smoking and drinking I was a responsible mother fucker, Got Straight A’s in College, just graduated a year ago with Honors, and I too fealt I had my addiction in Check, I didnt. How can I expect my Daughter to walk and be better than Myself if I do not set the example. The problem X, no matter how many times we get high, the Pain and Disappointment doesnt Disappear. Its there while we roll a blunt and its there after we fling the roach onto the ground. I am not Judging you, because I was Just like you, I saw your tears when you spoke of the Love of your life, and I fealt your pain when you spoke of your mom leaving you and I fealt your pain as you spoke about your Grandmother. Watching the way you reacted towards your Son was once the same I did towards my Baby. Brother if your not my Twin. Validate yourself, Love Yourself, and Love your Babies. How a child Loves thier parent is Enough to FILL and Heal You. I do not think you want to make your children feel how you have been made to feel. Deal, Let Go of the Pain, FORGIVE, and be the father you were Blessed to be. Much Love, Much Respect, Praying for you

  14. Dmx is one of the greatest rappers who ever blessed the mic, an my prayers go out to him and his family god bless ya:ll

  15. Hey DMX my prayers go out to you and your family. You know life is crazy at times and everybody has something to say, And with what people say about us makes us take a long look in the mirror and from that we can grow and become a better person because of it. We all have to face our demons alone and when we’re ready and only then will you be able to beat the demons we have. I will always have you and all of my brothers and sisters throughout the world in my prayers. Stay strong and may god bless you always.

  16. DMX family & friends, behind ever problem there is a cause…a real reason for a person pain. Speaking from the same side of the track of DMX pain I understand why he push is hurt onto others or cover it up with drug, sex and drinking. It’s because the root of his pain needs healing! He can’t ever remove it from his past but the root of the pain can give light to the cause. He stated that his mother placed him in a home when he was seven…She need to tell him the real reason why this was best for him. Only until then he will always believe that she give up on him. For me the healing words were “I sorry that I hurt you”. He is your son, husband, father love him no matter what…

  17. Healing, I understand what you are saying but I want you to remember one thing… EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT!!!!!!

  18. my dog !!!#1 u have to stop thinking, about what happen & do, what u do .stop , & think? we all have demonds. but my ,brother, u have to make that . on your OWN !!! GRANMA!!! want it. I love u. get bac to what u do!!! the devil is a lie!! it took me 20min. to get this right!!!!! hollla bac!! smokesome42@yahoo.com

  19. DMX if u do not remember anything else in this life U ARE A CHILD OF GOD! satin comes to kill and destroy anything GOD has u were given a gift and is very good at it the drugs is a demond from satin to take u out because your expercences in life u express in your music has reached people in a postive way which means he lose souls from intering into hell, dont let satin steal your gift from GOD if you dont believe he steals great gifts where is Whitney .

  20. DMX, wow a voice to millons-of realness. Afraid, fragile and content but not truly in the pain. Fear of speaking about the past. Incidents while being incarcerated and outside of Prison. Letting go, his Ex -wife. It has made him become more vulnerable than ever. With not being able to turn back possibly to what has been comfortable. It’s now time, that he answers to GOD, verbally through what needs to be remembered through feeling…. I salute the soldier on all of his contributes of positivity. I salute his attempts to rising to HEAL. I know Earl it Hurts Deeply. Behind the Hurt is a sun of LOVE-PEACE. Surrender, X. Many are cheering for you alone.

    With love and gratitude
    Kirema Gilbert

    TO DMX.

  22. Your mannerisms are like my little brother, and that is why I started looking at the show tonight. Really listen to your heart, it has goodness in it. You are NO mistake and are needed/wanted in the lives of your children. Clear your mind. Those making money off your talents do not care if you really live or die. They do not care about you having healthy relationships. God places people in our path to help us (i.e., the lady does care about your well being). Do those who light up with you really care? If you stop making money, will they still be your ride or die (i.e., buddies, ladies,etc.)? Family is everything X, but you are important too. Time is of the essence and your kids need you to be here, alive and well. LIVE DMX. You have so much more to give to this world! Let God speak through you to reach our youth. You will not loose your mind (i.e., like you rapped), instead you will live and tell the world, “I Am DMX, I Live.” Is this going to be your next album? First Lady Sha’ (ATL).

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