Finite

The last couple of weeks have been beyond hectic but I can’t complain.  Has it been weeks? I’m not even sure.  In the middle of it all I’ve pulled off a baby shower in a snow storm.  It was a lot of work but work I don’t regret.  I spent every cent I had (not very fiscally responsible I know, but we make sacrifices for our kids).  I’ve been focusing most of my time on algebra.  I’m going to stop calling it hellgebra, because I had to acknowledge that I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to that.  As a (wo)man thinketh in her heart so is she.  I’ve been doing the opposite of what I preach and teach to other people.  I’ve been speaking negatively in reference to myself and algebra.  I had to stop being embarrassed about asking questions.  Who says I have to keep trying to be superwoman?  It never worked in the first place.  It’s funny how some things are so hard to let go of.  I’m so tired of carrying everything like there’s no help available.  It’s hard to change though.  I’ve spent so many years carrying stuff, responsibility, regret, secrets.  It’s really tiring.  I’m 28 days away from my 50th birthday.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life  carrying the luggage from the past.  As I write this I’m listening to a song by Mary Mary called Seattle.  “Holy Spirit rain like Seattle, overtake my life like a flood, like California shake what’s not like You   I just want a heart like Yours.  That’s really all I want.  A heart like His.  I want to be a person that  makes my Father proud.  It doesn’t matter if nobody ever remembers my name once i expire on this side.  I just want to help people understand that material things are not important, it is interaction with people, the relationships we create the wisdom we share the love we show.  Today is my sisters’ birthday.  The twins, but one is gone.  Obviously I’m emotional today. I remember the time we wasted being mad at each other over things that we couldn’t control.  In the end we let it all go before it was too late but i can’t help remember the years we can’t get back.  Shower the people you love with love.  Time is finite.

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~ by Diva2de on February 21, 2013.

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