To serve not to be served

I’m extremely tired, not so much physically but mentally.  I had a deep desire to go to the mission field but didn’t realize that the mission field is not some foreign country but is, in fact right, in my very own neighborhood.  Let me back up a little bit.  I posted a blog a while back concerning some changes and decisions that I had to make.  Made those and my life has been changed far beyond what I could have ever imagined.  Making my education a priority required that I go from full time to part time.  Going from full time to part time required that I scale down the accouterments of my life.  Scaling down means that I went from living in a place by myself to sharing a place.  My daughter told me as I was going through this process that I would have to stop being so snobby.  Well, I can truly say that the snob that i used to be would not recognize that non-snob that I am becoming.  I say becoming because I still have a way to go. Honesty dictates that I admit that I would not have chosen my living situation voluntarily (I’m not that noble).  I can also say honestly, that I am more convinced than ever that this move was orchestrated by the Great Conductor.  He provided me with all that  I needed.  He also gave me the desire of my heart, the opportunity to minister.  I am often overwhelmed by the amount of ministry I find in my current situation.  Now for some who may be confused as to what ministry is, the word minister per definition numbered 9 @ dictionary.com is to give service, care, or aid; attend, as to wants or necessities. This is what I am referring to when I say minister.  It can come in the form of a song, prayer, word of encouragement, a ride to the store, a listening ear, commiseration, confession, advice…the list goes on and on.  I do it not grudgingly nor of necessity, but cheerfully because I know that this is what God has called me to do.  He’s done so much for me that I cannot ignore the hurts and the needs of women who are very much like me, or even not at all like me.  In Matthew 25:  Jesus tells us that what we have done to “the least of these” we have done it to Him.  When asked the questions I want to have the right answers.  Today I am struggling with helping others versus hurting myself.  I made a commitment last week to give someone a ride somewhere.  Today i find that my desire to help has super-ceded my capacity to help and this may put me in a position that I will not be able to take care of what I need to do for myself.  So what do I do?  Do I focus on my own need and look out for myself?  or do I keep my integrity and stick to my word?  I don’t like to say that I’m going to do something and then not do it because when that happens then your credibility is shot.  But I have still got to survive. So I will lift up my eyes to the hill from whence cometh my help…

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~ by Diva2de on July 17, 2012.

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