Workshop Works

I recently workshopped a very personal story in my non fiction class.  I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep the night before.  What would these people think of me once they knew my secret?  Would they look at me differently? think I was a weirdo?  I had no idea.  I submitted this story because it’s a small part of a larger work. Now please understand that I share my poetry willingly and my fiction with pleasure but this story, this deeply personal and emotionally traumatic story was difficult to share.  I had to do it though,  because I know that it’s my purpose to share what happened to me.  There are so many little girls who grew up with the same secret and may never have the courage to speak out and free themselves from the 6000 pound invisible elephant that is strapped to their backs.  It is for them that I tell my story.  It is for the voiceless faceless victims of childhood sexual abuse that I expose myself.  My family often gets angry at me for sharing but this is not about them.  Once,  I asked God why I had to go through the things I went through, the abuse as a small child, being the butt of jokes and the one teased in my (large) family of origin, being often ostracized by my peers, the date rape in college, the bad marriage.  I wanted to know why and He answered me.  Not with a clap of thunder or a flash of lightning, but with a still small voice that seemed to come from deep inside of me.  He told me that it happened because He could trust me to tell it.  So I have to tell it, through my poetry, in my sermons, in my stories.  Every chance I get I have to tell it because I can’t let what I went through be in vain.  I can honestly say that I’m stronger now, and every time I reveal a piece of my story another piece of darkness is eclipsed by light in my soul.  And I will continue to tell, not blaming, or in anger, no longer fearful, or ashamed, but to help liberate the scared, sad little girls that live inside so many grown women.  It wasn’t because of anything that you did.  You’re not bad, there’s nothing wrong with you.  You were a victim, but now you can live in Victory, by not letting what someone else did control you or dictate how you live your life.  I pray that any woman who know’s what I know, and stumbles across this blog, will remember that her worth is not determined by anything said or done, but by the Creator to Whom she is \ worth His Son’s Life Saving Blood. Walk in Peace and Victory My Sisters.

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~ by Diva2de on April 6, 2011.

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