•June 20, 2018 • Leave a Comment

So I started a podcast.  I started feeling like I wanted to say more outside the bounds of the radio show.  The radio show is inspirational.  There’s nothing wrong with inspiring.  I enjoy it and it’s one of the biggest parts of my life.  Sometimes though, I want to talk about that things that piss me off and the things that make me cry.  I want to rant about the things that get on my nerves and the people who get on my nerves.  Some times I want to talk about what it’s like trying to date after the age of 50 and how these geriatric paw-paws with a pocket full of Viagra get on my ever-loving nerves!!!! So I started a podcast.  And there will be times that I will rant and there will be times that I will rave.  I will talk about politics and social issues and Barbecue Beck and Starbucks Sally and Waffle House Wendy….I will also bring in some of my smart friends who are licensed and credentialed and degreed and fancy schmancy, so you will be hearing more than just my opinion.  If you’re interested you can find the podcast “The Diva2de Perspective at http://www.diva2de.com.


Come Fund me.

•August 3, 2017 • Leave a Comment

If you are a reader of this blog then you may have an idea of some of the things that I’ve experienced in my life.  you may know of the childhood sexual abuse, the date rape as an 18 year old college freshman (even though there was no such thing as that back then).  You may know that I was married for 18 years and while it started out great it slowly began to lose steam around the fifth year.  I stayed and we made each other (and our children) miserable for the remaining 13 years.  You may know that I’m a US Army Veteran, that I’m a published author, that I’m a (perpetual) non-traditional student with dreams of changing the world for the better.  Or Maybe you don’t know anything about me.  There are days that I feel like I don’t know anything about myself.  Today is one of those days.  Right now I am trying not to worry that I will not reach my goal for my GoFundMe campaign.  Today everyone of my insecurities is raising its ugly head trying to get me to doubt that this is the right thing to do.  Let me back up.  I didn’t mention what the “this” is.  This is a one woman show.  A very personal show.  A show that pretty much amounts to waving my panties out the window of a car on a crowded interstate with bumper to bumper traffic for all the world to see.   And they are some big old grandma bloomers with embarrassing stains and holes in them!   But here’s the thing.  I don’t have a choice.  I can’t not do this.  You see it is my destiny to tell my personal tale of trial and triumph this way.  Why? Sometimes I doubt my why but I know what (see what i did there?) it is.  It is my destiny to tell this story because if just one person is lead to healing from their brokenness or finds the courage to speak up about their own “stuff” or leaves a relationship that is unhealthy, then nothing that I went through was in vain.  If one child who was inappropriately touched tells someone then my purpose in life is fulfilled.  That sounds so noble right?  It would be even nobler if I could fund this on my own, but I can’t.  I am still trying to financially recover from having lost everything I owned and being homeless 5 years ago.  So now, I have to once again swallow my pride and ask for help.  I have to convince  people I know and people I don’t know to believe in what I’m doing and to trust that my motives are pure.  I thought the hardest part of this journey would be writing the script.  Baring my soul on paper was nothing compared to asking people to click on a link and donate money to help me follow my passion. How can I convince them that this is not just a ploy to get money from strangers?  How can I prove that I am who I say I am?  How can I get them to fund me?  I can only be myself and speak from my heart.  It’s what I’ve always done.  It is what I will always do.  I have no other choice.  The question is…will anybody fund me?

Will you fund me

Extraordinary Person of the Week

no answers…questions

•March 30, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Today I’m very overwhelmed.  I go…on and on and on, doing and pressing and trying to become…what?  What is it that I’m trying to prove and who am I trying to prove it to?  The fact that I don’t have the answer to this question is very telling.  Am I trying to out run myself, my past, my fear, my destiny?  I really can’t say..all I know is that I cannot stop!  I am the purveyor of possibility and positivity and yet today I feel anything but.  Do my feelings really matter?  And if they don’t matter to me will they matter to anyone else?  I say all the time that you teach people how to treat you.  Have I taught the people in my life that they are more important than I am?  Have I taught them that their needs and desires are more important than mine? Or have I placed my destiny and my calling over and above my feelings of tiredness and yes (sometimes) loneliness and anger and (even) hopelessness?  I don’t have an answer for any of this.  I just know that whatever the answer is, today is not the day that I will find it.  Perhaps I’m not looking for answers at all…maybe I’m looking for the right questions.


•March 24, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Since the last time I posted a blog I have become an ordained reverend and written a play (well 1 and 1/2 still working on one).  Oh and I kinda have a boyfriend (can you call them BOYfriend if they’re over 50).  That last bit is the most interesting and disrupting of my normalcy.  I’m not sure if I can allow myself the luxury of being vulnerable enough to let it grow.  That’s just me being honest.  Vulnerability is scary. Do I completely let my guard down and risk getting hurt again?  I mean I’m too old for crying myself to sleep if things don’t work out.  It seems really trivial anyway with all the real problems in the world. I think if I am really being honest with myself what really scares me the most is that it may actually work out.  I mean, seriously, what if it does actually work out?  Then what becomes of my autonomy?  What becomes of my solitude?  What becomes of my ability to do what I want when I want and not have to answer to anybody?  Relationships are hard work.  Would I be losing my sense of who I am becoming (and believe me, as old as I am, I am still becoming)?  I like that I can go to PCJ right after work and study until they kick me out.  I like that I can have cake for dinner.  I like that cooking is optional and pajamas don’t matter.  I like  not getting a pedicure except on special occasions and not shaving my pits if I don’t want to.  I like farting loudly and not having to excuse myself.  I like being unencumbered by the need to “take care of my man”.  So do I just keep my guard up and smile prettily when he’s in town and just go back to boogers and toe jam when he’s gone?  Or do I allow it to grow if it is indeed meant to grow into a full blown relationship? It’s a scary prospect.  The prospect of feeling compelled to try to become what he wants me to be instead of simply being who I am.  And why do we do that anyway? Why do we try to become what they want instead of the other way around?  Is it those pesky fairy tales that were read to us when we were kids?  Those stories that erroneously led us to believe that we have to be perfect to be loved. That we have to sing and birds come and land on our shoulders, or that we can turn the raving beast into a handsome prince.  Who wrote that crap???  It is probably the reason why, in this patriarchal society, girls who are strong and independent are called mean and bossy and that other “B” word.  I enjoy being free to be  myself.  I guess the real deal is, if me and Mr. Man are going to become anything real he will have to understand who I am.  He will have to realize that I will compromise no more than he does and we will have to meet somewhere in the middle.  Now, I know that some Sally super-christian or Paul perpetrator will say,”but the bible says…”I would love to discuss that with you, just make sure you know what it says in the original text (not the KJV either that’s not the original text) then we can have an informed discussion. But anyway…I guess we will just have to see how it all plays out.  In the mean time, I’m still gonna have cake for dinner when I feel like it whether he’s in town or not.  He’ll just have to get used to me being me and he can be himself and we’ll either learn that we like each other the way we are or we will go our separate ways.  Either way, pedicures are still for special occasions…

So Long…

•January 22, 2016 • Leave a Comment

It has been so long since I’ve blogged that I don’t remember where I left off.  Probably at graduation.  What a wonderful day that was for me.  A life long dream achieved.  So what’s happened since then? Well…whew!  Let’s see, I now work for the Department of Social services, using my degree to the fullest!  It only took 4 months to find a job.  Now that I’ve been there for almost a year it seems like it wasn’t long at all, but when I was looking it felt like and eternity! I am now a “radio personality”!  I have an inspirational show called Morning Coffee that comes on Monday-Friday 5:40 am-6am (Just before the Rickey Smiley Show), and on Sunday 6:30-7am.  It is on Coast 97.3 (you can download the app from the app store if you’re interested in listening).  My public/motivational speaker/preacher thing has grown to the degree that I had to get someone to help me manage my schedule so that I won’t double book (anymore).

I am so humbled to be living the life that I’m living right now.  I know that  all of the things that I’ve experienced  over the last 10-15 have been to prepare me for this moment.  This season in my life.  I am blessed beyond measure, because had I not gone through the things I went through, I would somehow believe that all the wonderful things that are happening in my life have something to do with my actions and my intelligence and my worthiness.  But God in His (or Her) infinite wisdom, carried me through some very rough times to show me that it is by grace, through faith and ultimately mercy that I am still even alive today.  I take no day for granted and pray that, everyday that I am given, I will be able to help someone else who is going through the “process of the press” understand that there is hope.  I give GOD all the glory.  None of this is by chance or happenstance.  It is by divine design. So I live my life attempting daily to be a vessel that God can use.

No More

•March 9, 2015 • Leave a Comment

It has been rumored that #Empire is debating using “the ‘n’word” in its dialogue to add more authenticity.  I love that show, but I will stop watching it with the quickness if that happens.  Here’s the thing, that word is offensive I don’t  care who uses it.  I’m not comfortable with it in music, I was not comfortable when it was used on TV back in the day when there was nobody on who looked like me and I would not be comfortable with it on TV if the person using it does look like me.  It’s a word designed to strip me of dignity and humanity.  I am angered by the SAE video that surfaced from OU.  Based on the lyrics (which reference hanging from a tree) this song is steeped in tradition (even if only for that chapter).  Kudos to the national President for acting swiftly.  But we can’t be angry about that and not be angry about the use of this word in music.  In my opinion, NOBODY gets a pass with this word.  Nobody!  Yesterday as I entered the bastion of southern consumerism (Wal-mart), I heard loud music coming from a booming system in a big black ford truck and I heard that one word.  The kid behind the wheel was white.  How can we expect other people not to call us what we continue to call ourselves? It is time for us to realize that this word is unacceptable in EVERY arena and aspect of our lives.  Point blank.  Period!


•December 12, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I have not blogged the entire semester.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but school.  That might seem a little crazy.  How long does it take to blog?  Well the real question is “How long does it take to graduate from college?”  For me the answer is 33 years.  NO that’s not a typo.  If you’ve read this blog before then you may know a little of my struggle.  I’m a non-traditional student.  I’m a non-traditional-dorm-dwelling student.  Tomorrow, I will finally finish a journey that got derailed 33 years ago.  When I was a fresh freshman at North Carolina Central University, I was raped by an acquaintance.  He was a foot ballplayer who was in one of my classes.  I flunked out of school after that, because I never left my room. Back then there was no such thing as date rape so I didn’t even start to talk about it until I was over 30 years old.  That experience sent me on a spiral that took me to the darkest pit of depression.  I was never the same after that and I blamed myself.  In the time that followed, I joined the army, married, had kids.  I even sought therapy.  I got on with my life.  In the back of my mind I kept believing that one day I would go back to school.  Even during the times when it seemed an impossibility I still believed that I would go back to school.  In 2004, I separated from my then husband of 17 years.  In 2005  after the divorce was final I started going back to school.  I had two kids still in high school so I still had to work to support them.  Amid the voices around me telling me that i should wait to go back to school, that I had to worry about taking care of my children I started out taking just 2 classes a semester. I started out taking two classes because I believed that maybe they were right.  Maybe this would be too much for me.  I wasn’t good at math, it had been so many years, maybe I wasn’t as smart as I thought.  I did it anyway.  Then I took my first Psychology class, and I knew that I was doing the right thing.  I still struggled with math and had to take Algebra 3 times before I passed.  Tomorrow, December 13, 2014 I will graduate from  the University of North Carolina Wilmington with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Minor in Creative Writing.  My parents, children, grandchildren and friends will be there to support me.  On this journey I lost everything I own…twice.  I lost my job, my place to live, and even my pride.  There were a couple of things that I didn’t lose, as a matter of fact they were strengthened.  I didn’t lose my faith, my mind or my belief in myself.  I’m writing this today because maybe somebody will read it who has been through similar  situations.  Maybe there’s somebody who is just about to give up on themselves.  I’m writing this to tell you to never give up.  You’re going to have ups and downs in life, that’s just a part of living.  Find a way to be content regardless of your circumstance.  Don’t let what’s going on around you steal your joy.  Some people will tell you , if you don’t like your circumstances change them.  As with me that is not always a quick journey.  If your process of changing your circumstances is long and arduous, NEVER GIVE UP.  I’m not superhuman, I’m not any different than anybody else in anyway but one.  I trust GOD in a radical and almost ridiculous way.  When I believe that He is directing me toward something (like this college degree) I won’t turn back no matter how hard the road seems.  I believe that His word is true and that He will supply all of my need.  I haven’t had everything I’ve wanted on this journey, but I’ve had everything I needed.  The Last thing I’ll say is this, a dream deferred is not a dream denied.  Love yourself enough to block all the voices that are contrary to what your inner voice is telling you.  If I can do it all these years later, so can you.  I don’t feel like this is the end of a long and hard fought journey.  This is only the beginning.